you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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