Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
