i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize