worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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