Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize