no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
