sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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