I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
