We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize