lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize