This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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