Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
