The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
