If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
