we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
