i may or may not be watching the land before time
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
