If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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