Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
