Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
