Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize