well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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