Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You are a genius and a whore.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
