I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
