what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
