Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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