I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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