Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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