Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
