smell my finger.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
