Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
