Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
