So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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