You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
