Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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