you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She needs sedatives and a leash
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
