I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
