guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this boner is exhausting
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize