maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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