sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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