What a fucking waste of an outfit
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
