Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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