remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
