I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize