I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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