I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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