remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
