She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Pants are for mortals
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
