it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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