Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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