You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
