If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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