was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
