I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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