Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
