It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
