i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
