It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
