I'm jealous of your bromance
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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