Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
