come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
