if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
