he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
