y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
