NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think your dad took our porno
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
