hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
