playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
