party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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