You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm too high and old for this...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
